Post by skjm on May 16, 2017 19:18:46 GMT -5
I re-worked it yet again for anyone who is still actively critiquing! 
#4
Fifteen-year old Luna Tayen is a princess, but the pawn in her family. Forced into a marriage alliance that she wants no part in, to better the two Moon Kingdoms Ceyla and Aylin. In hopes to sabotage the alliance she attempts to make prince Apollo’s life miserable, but he too kind and charming to keep up her rues. After a few years of them being forced together, she finally accepts her future and leads with her heart, falling for the prince. They could have lived happily ever after, but that was not their unforeseeable fate.
After an attack on the castle snatches Luna’s life, the story continues with their daughter, Artemis, a short-tempered princess who is always eager for her next sword fight. Though, she has a few secrets that could harm her statues as heir to the throne. Including her forbidden romance with the twenty-year-old Captain of the guard, Damon Availe. After mayhem strikes upon the Moon Kingdom once again, that leave many dead and wounded, she and Damon find themselves a long way from home and from each other.
FATE OF THE MOON KINGDOMS, completed at 77 000 words, is the first novel with series potential. It will appeal to fans of kick-ass heroines, young romance, and unexpected tragedy, such as Veronica Roth’s “Carve the Mark”.
#3
Fifteen-year old Luna Tayen is a princess, but the pawn in her family. Forced into a marriage alliance that she wants no part in, to better the two Moon Kingdoms Ceyla and Aylin. Wanting the whole alliance to be called off, Luna attempts to make prince Apollo's life miserable. But he is too kind and charming to keep up her ruse. Finally, a few years of them being forced together, she accepts her future and leads with her heart, falling for the prince.
Once becoming King and Queen they could have lived happily ever after, but that was not their destiny.
After an attack abruptly snatches Luna's life, the story continues with their daughter, Artemis, a short-tempered princess who is always eager for her next sword fight. Though, she has a few secrets that could harm her position as heir to the throne, including her forbidden romance with the twenty-year-old Captain of the guard, Damon Availe. After mayhem strikes upon the Moon Kingdom, on Artemis’s eighteenth birthday, she and Damon find themselves a long way from home and each other.
FATE OF THE MOON KINGDOMS, completed at 77 000 words, is the first novel with series potential. It will appeal to fans of kick-ass heroines, young romance, and unexpected tragedy, such as Veronica Roth’s “Carve the Mark”.
Thank you for all who Critique my Query letter! I was too slow re-writing it to put in for the QueryKombat, but I wanted to put the new one up here to see if anyone is still willing to critique it! I learned so much the last time.
#2
Fifteen-year old Luna Tayen is a princess, but the pawn in her family. Forced into a marriage alliance that she wants no part in, to better the two Moon Kingdoms Ceyla and Aylin. Rebellious, she vows to herself to become the worst person she could be in hopes for the whole alliance to be called off. But Prince Apollo is too charming to keep up her ruse. After a few years of them being forced together, she finally accepts her future and leads with her heart, falling for the prince.
After becoming King and Queen they should have lived happily ever after, but that was not their destiny.
After an attack snatches one of their lives, the story continues with their daughter, Artemis, a short-tempered princess who is always eager for her next sword fight. Though, she has a few secrets that could harm her position as heir to the throne, including her forbidden romance with the twenty-year-old Captain of the guard, Damon Availe. After mayhem strikes upon the Moon Kingdom, on Artemis’s eighteenth birthday, she and Damon find themselves a long way from home and each other.
FATE OF THE MOON KINGDOMS, completed at 77 000 words, is the first novel with series potential. It will appeal to fans of kick-ass heroines, young romance, and unexpected tragedy, such as Veronica Roth’s “Carve the Mark”.
Hopefully everyone will be less confused by this one
Thank you!
#1
Hey Everyone! I hope I am not too late! Only discovered about QueryKombat only a few hours ago, though I am super excited that I did! So Excited that I jumped into the car and drove to starbucks to steal there Wifi since I am in the middle of moving and no longer have internet... oops.
Anyways my query is pretty rough... I have my sister fixing my grammar and spelling as we speak( because I'm awful with the english language), but I wanted to throw mine up here for Critique! Thank you too all that do!
Imagine waking up in a different dimension, a different world, without knowing where you are or if anyone you care about is alive after an unexpected betrayal had almost cost you your life. This is the fate of the young defiant Princess Artemis Varall and the young Captain of the Guards Damon Availe. It could have been punishment for their forbidden love, but neither of them are new to devastating tragedy. After making a desperate escape from the castle, they find themselves a long way from home and each other. However, to know why everything happened to them in the way it did the story starts with the generation before and the one who betrayed them all.
It was the greatly anticipated marriage alliance between the two Moon Kingdoms, Aylin and Ceyla, that brought Princess Luna and Prince Apollo together. Though, It wasn’t easy for the two who hardly knew each other, with different character and different upbringings to find themselves committed to each other, hoping they would at least find friendship in one another. Nevertheless, after a lot of hard work, love is what they found and they could have lived happily ever after but that was not their destiny.
Fate of the Moon Kingdoms, completed at 77,000 words, is the first novel with series potential. It will appeal to fans of kick-ass heroines, young romance and unexpected tragedy such as Veronica Roth’s Divergent series and Carve the Mark.
Thank you for your consideration.
#4
Fifteen-year old Luna Tayen is a princess, but the pawn in her family. Forced into a marriage alliance that she wants no part in, to better the two Moon Kingdoms Ceyla and Aylin. In hopes to sabotage the alliance she attempts to make prince Apollo’s life miserable, but he too kind and charming to keep up her rues. After a few years of them being forced together, she finally accepts her future and leads with her heart, falling for the prince. They could have lived happily ever after, but that was not their unforeseeable fate.
After an attack on the castle snatches Luna’s life, the story continues with their daughter, Artemis, a short-tempered princess who is always eager for her next sword fight. Though, she has a few secrets that could harm her statues as heir to the throne. Including her forbidden romance with the twenty-year-old Captain of the guard, Damon Availe. After mayhem strikes upon the Moon Kingdom once again, that leave many dead and wounded, she and Damon find themselves a long way from home and from each other.
FATE OF THE MOON KINGDOMS, completed at 77 000 words, is the first novel with series potential. It will appeal to fans of kick-ass heroines, young romance, and unexpected tragedy, such as Veronica Roth’s “Carve the Mark”.
#3
Thank you for all who Critique my Query letter! I was too slow re-writing it to put in for the QueryKombat, but I wanted to put the new one up here to see if anyone is still willing to critique it! I learned so much the last time.
#2
After becoming King and Queen they should have lived happily ever after, but that was not their destiny.
After an attack snatches one of their lives, the story continues with their daughter, Artemis, a short-tempered princess who is always eager for her next sword fight. Though, she has a few secrets that could harm her position as heir to the throne, including her forbidden romance with the twenty-year-old Captain of the guard, Damon Availe. After mayhem strikes upon the Moon Kingdom, on Artemis’s eighteenth birthday, she and Damon find themselves a long way from home and each other.
FATE OF THE MOON KINGDOMS, completed at 77 000 words, is the first novel with series potential. It will appeal to fans of kick-ass heroines, young romance, and unexpected tragedy, such as Veronica Roth’s “Carve the Mark”.
Hopefully everyone will be less confused by this one
Thank you!
#1
Imagine waking up in a different dimension, a different world, without knowing where you are or if anyone you care about is alive after an unexpected betrayal had almost cost you your life. This is the fate of the young defiant Princess Artemis Varall and the young Captain of the Guards Damon Availe. It could have been punishment for their forbidden love, but neither of them are new to devastating tragedy. After making a desperate escape from the castle, they find themselves a long way from home and each other. However, to know why everything happened to them in the way it did the story starts with the generation before and the one who betrayed them all.
It was the greatly anticipated marriage alliance between the two Moon Kingdoms, Aylin and Ceyla, that brought Princess Luna and Prince Apollo together. Though, It wasn’t easy for the two who hardly knew each other, with different character and different upbringings to find themselves committed to each other, hoping they would at least find friendship in one another. Nevertheless, after a lot of hard work, love is what they found and they could have lived happily ever after but that was not their destiny.
Fate of the Moon Kingdoms, completed at 77,000 words, is the first novel with series potential. It will appeal to fans of kick-ass heroines, young romance and unexpected tragedy such as Veronica Roth’s Divergent series and Carve the Mark.
Thank you for your consideration.
