Post by missy on May 15, 2017 11:38:30 GMT -5
Thank you everyone for your comments. They are very insightful and helpful! Revised. I would love your thoughts on the revision. Original at the bottom for comparison if needed. Cheers!
[REVISED]
I want to live, but the man tracking me has other plans for my future. I hope the Alpha of this territory will give me a chance to explain my situation. A rogue wolf entering pack territory has a death wish. Packs do not like us, and we're not supposed to like them. We separate ourselves because we need to be free and independent. At least, that's what I keep telling myself.
But I need time to catch my breath, find Mia, and think of my next move. It can only take a couple days because that's all I can afford. Anything longer and it wouldn't be fair to this pack. It could cost them their lives.
A chill races up my back as I stand in the tree line of the State Forest that borders the Blood Moone pack territory. It won't be long before they pick up the scent of an intruder. Until then I calm the urge to shift into my wolf and wait for a patrol member to arrive. Communication can be difficult without the pack mind link and hopefully, they’ll view me as less threatening in my human form.
I take a deep breath to slow my racing heart. I wish it hadn’t come to this. I hate asking for help. I bite my nails as I glance over my shoulder to make sure I haven’t been followed. My late father would be ashamed to know I've disgraced our family name by coming to this pack.
[ORIGINAL]
A rogue wolf who enters pack territory is asking for a death sentence. Packs do not like us, and we're not supposed to like them. We separate ourselves from packs because we need to be free and independent. At least, that's what I keep telling myself.
I want to live. The odds—and the man that’s tracking me—are against me. I hope the Alpha of this territory will give me a chance to explain my situation. I need time to catch my breath, find Mia, and think of my next move. It can only take a couple days to find her, because that's all I can afford. Anything longer than that and it wouldn't be fair to this pack. It could cost them their lives.
A chill races up my back as I stand in the tree line of the State Forest that borders the Blood Moone pack territory, waiting for a patrol member to pass by. I know it won't be long before they pick up the scent of an intruder. Until then I calm the urge to shift into wolf form. Communication can be difficult for wolves without the pack mind link, and hopefully they’ll view me as less threatening in my human form too.
I wish it didn't come to this. I hate asking for help. But then again, I'm not really asking for help, just safe passage so I can rest for a couple days. Glancing over my shoulder to make sure I haven't been followed, I bite my nails to steady my shaking hands. My late father would be ashamed to know I've disgraced our family name by coming to this pack.
I appreciate any thoughts on what works and what doesn't!
Thank you so much
SaveSaveSaveSaveSaveSaveSaveSaveSaveSave
[REVISED]
I want to live, but the man tracking me has other plans for my future. I hope the Alpha of this territory will give me a chance to explain my situation. A rogue wolf entering pack territory has a death wish. Packs do not like us, and we're not supposed to like them. We separate ourselves because we need to be free and independent. At least, that's what I keep telling myself.
But I need time to catch my breath, find Mia, and think of my next move. It can only take a couple days because that's all I can afford. Anything longer and it wouldn't be fair to this pack. It could cost them their lives.
A chill races up my back as I stand in the tree line of the State Forest that borders the Blood Moone pack territory. It won't be long before they pick up the scent of an intruder. Until then I calm the urge to shift into my wolf and wait for a patrol member to arrive. Communication can be difficult without the pack mind link and hopefully, they’ll view me as less threatening in my human form.
I take a deep breath to slow my racing heart. I wish it hadn’t come to this. I hate asking for help. I bite my nails as I glance over my shoulder to make sure I haven’t been followed. My late father would be ashamed to know I've disgraced our family name by coming to this pack.
[ORIGINAL]
A rogue wolf who enters pack territory is asking for a death sentence. Packs do not like us, and we're not supposed to like them. We separate ourselves from packs because we need to be free and independent. At least, that's what I keep telling myself.
I want to live. The odds—and the man that’s tracking me—are against me. I hope the Alpha of this territory will give me a chance to explain my situation. I need time to catch my breath, find Mia, and think of my next move. It can only take a couple days to find her, because that's all I can afford. Anything longer than that and it wouldn't be fair to this pack. It could cost them their lives.
A chill races up my back as I stand in the tree line of the State Forest that borders the Blood Moone pack territory, waiting for a patrol member to pass by. I know it won't be long before they pick up the scent of an intruder. Until then I calm the urge to shift into wolf form. Communication can be difficult for wolves without the pack mind link, and hopefully they’ll view me as less threatening in my human form too.
I wish it didn't come to this. I hate asking for help. But then again, I'm not really asking for help, just safe passage so I can rest for a couple days. Glancing over my shoulder to make sure I haven't been followed, I bite my nails to steady my shaking hands. My late father would be ashamed to know I've disgraced our family name by coming to this pack.
I appreciate any thoughts on what works and what doesn't!
Thank you so much
SaveSaveSaveSaveSaveSaveSaveSaveSaveSave
