THE O'MALLEY CURSE - YA Contemporary Adventure

Dear Agent,

Finn O’Malley is a fifteen-year-old boy with a mysteriously defective leg and an impossible dream to be a dancer. If you were to ask his dad, ex-pro skier, Kip “The Rip” O’Malley, Finn can’t dance, let alone climb stairs, walk to school, or play sports. Quick note of caution -- the POV sounds a bit funky here. I think it's the "you" -- makes me wonder if you switch into Kip's POV, too? If not, consider revising. Not with a useless leg.

Ticked off by all the stupid restrictions, Finn secretly auditions for the summer musical at a local theater, and holy cow, he gets a part. Even though he has to rehearse extra hard to keep up with all the other dancers, he’s gonna prove to haters like his dad he’s got talent. But when an anonymous call alerts Kip to Finn’s scheme, Kip yanks Finn out of the musical and sends him to live with Toots, his eccentric grandpa, in a defunct mining town in South Dakota. He can’t possibly cause any trouble there.

Toots tries to cheer up Finn with stories from the old west about their ancestors, the O’Malley Gang. They had robbed trains, murdered passengers, hoarded stolen treasure in a secret hideout, angered an Indian chief, and to top it all off, gotten the entire O’Malley family cursed. (Are you sure this is YA? This sounds like an amazing adventure story for MG -- like a reimagined Oregon trail game, which is more MG-age in my head.)

Family curse? Seriously? Is that why he’s got a screwed-up leg?

When Finn learns he can break the curse by recovering the treasure, he knows he must find his ancestors’ hideout. This is his only chance to fix his leg. Maybe he could even get his dad to believe he can do more than limp. Then he can dance to his heart’s content.

With the help of Toots, Finn begins an adventure of following a sketchy trail of clues all the way to the infamous gang’s hideout in Wyoming. I definitely need more here - also think this paragraph should be combined with the next sentence. One small problem. Someone else wants that treasure. WHO? We need a view of the antagonist! And he doesn’t have a bum leg slowing him down.

THE O’MALLEY CURSE is a 70,000-word young adult contemporary adventure novel that would appeal to fans of Roland Smith and Will Hobbs.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Dear Agent,

Finn O’Malley is a fifteen-year-old boy with a mysteriously defective leg When you say mysteriously defective leg, It makes it seem a little insensitive? Is there another way you could word this? and an impossible dream to be a dancer. If you were to ask his dad, ex-pro skier, Kip “The Rip” O’Malley, Finn can’t dance, let alone climb stairs, walk to school, or play sports. Not with a useless leg.

Ticked off by all the stupid restrictions, Finn secretly auditions for the summer musical at a local theater, and holy cow, he gets a part. Even though he has to rehearse extra hard to keep up with all the other dancers, he’s gonna prove to haters like his dad he’s got talent. But when an anonymous call alerts Kip to Finn’s scheme, Kip yanks Finn out of the musical and sends him to live with Toots, his eccentric grandpa, in a defunct mining town in South Dakota. He can’t possibly cause any trouble there.

Toots tries to cheer up Finn with stories from the old west about their ancestors, the O’Malley Gang. They had robbed trains, murdered passengers, hoarded stolen treasure in a secret hideout, angered an Indian chief, and to top it all off, gotten the entire O’Malley family cursed.

Family curse? Seriously? Is that why he’s got a screwed-up leg?

When Finn learns he can break the curse by recovering the treasure, he knows he must find his ancestors’ hideout. This is his only chance to fix his leg. Maybe he could even get his dad to believe he can do more than limp. Then he can dance to his heart’s content.

With the help of Toots, Finn begins an adventure of following a sketchy trail of clues all the way to the infamous gang’s hideout in Wyoming.

One small problem. Someone else wants that treasure. And he doesn’t have a bum leg slowing him down.

THE O’MALLEY CURSE is a 70,000-word young adult contemporary adventure novel that would appeal to fans of Roland Smith and Will Hobbs.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

This does sound like MG, but I read the comments below so I know you are trying to age up the query a little. It ran a bit too long, so I've just suggested places where you can cut. I feel you don't need the parts I've crossed out. Hope that helps :-) I can't wait to read, and good luck with the Kombat!