Forgetful Girl YA Paranormal Romance

Dear QueryKombat Friends,


Once [comma] Jilly Atsea had a loving family. Once [comma] she had a past. A curse ripped both from her. Now, the only things she trusts are the words carved into her forearms: remember and revenge. Nothing will stop her from recovering the life she’s lost. She’ll nail the wizard responsible, just as soon as she and the fire-starter she might be falling for are sprung from detention. [what did they do to get detention?]


For years, Toby Piper has been the token normal kid at St. Polycarp’s, a school for the hexed…until he started burping up smoke [great detail!] and igniting objects with a simple touch. [I'm confused. If he's at a school for the hexed, then theoretically he would be cursed (or whatever term you might use) to begin with--do you mean that the curse is backfiring because he is now burping up smoke, etc.?] With his dad deathly ill [is this important for the query?] and his best friend (and current crush) Jilly under a memory-dumping spell, [here I pause: in the first paragraph, it isn't clear that Jilly has lost her memory. The way it's written makes me think that a curse simply stole her family and her past--not that it made her forget her family and her past.] he’s never felt so alone. He’ll do anything to cure Jilly to get her back [does this mean that Jilly has also forgotten who Toby is? Is that why she refers to him as the fire-starter?], but some charms can’t be broken and wizards don’t go down easily. [dramatic--I like!]


When Jilly and Toby get too close to the truth and assassins strike, [feels too late to mention assassins--why are they after Jilly and Toby? What "truth"--maybe too vague. Have they been sprung from detention and are they still at St. Polycarp? I'm pretty lost with this transition.] only Jilly and her forgotten past can save her favorite fire-starter and magic itself. [This is a surprise--there was no prior mention of the risk of losing magic, so is this the ultimate goal for Jilly and Toby? Are they faced with a choice between saving each other or saving magic? Before I got the impression the plot was about having to "nail the wizard" for casting a memory-dumping spell. If it's much bigger than that (saving magic), then I think we need to know that earlier, so we have a better idea of what exactly is at stake.]

This sounds like a really cool book! I like the idea of a school for the hexed, and your two POV characters sound interesting and likeable.  I especially love burping up smoke.  

I am confused about the plot and what is really at stake. Why were Jilly and Toby hexed in the first place? Did they know each other before St. Polycarp or is that where they met? I was also thrown with the sudden mention of assassins and the word "truth." Seems like Jilly and Toby already know they are cursed by a wizard, so what "truth" are they still seeking? I love the idea that they have to save magic, but I would like to know that magic is at stake earlier in the query.

Thanks for sharing your query--best of luck to you!

Forgetful Girl is an YA Paranormal Romance complete at 73, 000 words.