Post by michelle4laughs on May 10, 2017 21:09:49 GMT -5
Hi ya'll, 
I guess I couldn't resist being the first to post in the adult thread.
This is my current first page for the third book in my trilogy, Steadfast. As I said in the title it's adult epic fantasy. It's a little over the word count so I could finish the sentence. You don't have to go into detail with any feedback, but I wondered if it catches your attention.
Santabe had long ceased to marvel at the way the stones of the small room had been cut so square and matched together so perfectly. She had never been in a place built of anything but wood until entering the Great Palace of Dal this morning with her mother and aunts, and she hadn’t expected to stay more than the few minutes it took to read her augury.
The priest who put her in this bare room of naught but stone had instructed she remain on her knees and ruminate on her fate until fetched. She’d dutifully remained on her knees, but, after what seemed like hours of suffering, had allowed herself to lean backward on her toes. Her lower limbs went numb and dead, true, but she spared her knees the same agony.
“Obey,” had been the last word from her mother before she stepped into line for the augury to be cast.
“Obey in measure,” had been the wiser advice of her favorite aunt.
The latch on the door—the only piece of wood in the room—clicked, and Santabe shot on to her knees so quickly, she misjudged and toppled onto her side.
“Is this how you show your respects to Dal?” demanded an angry voice, “lying at your ease?”
Santabe ducked her head to avoid the blow aimed for her temple, and the strap landed on her bent neck with a snap, sending pain down her back. She struggled to surge upright, but her numb legs failed her, sending her crashing to the stone again.
I guess I couldn't resist being the first to post in the adult thread.
This is my current first page for the third book in my trilogy, Steadfast. As I said in the title it's adult epic fantasy. It's a little over the word count so I could finish the sentence. You don't have to go into detail with any feedback, but I wondered if it catches your attention. Santabe had long ceased to marvel at the way the stones of the small room had been cut so square and matched together so perfectly. She had never been in a place built of anything but wood until entering the Great Palace of Dal this morning with her mother and aunts, and she hadn’t expected to stay more than the few minutes it took to read her augury.
The priest who put her in this bare room of naught but stone had instructed she remain on her knees and ruminate on her fate until fetched. She’d dutifully remained on her knees, but, after what seemed like hours of suffering, had allowed herself to lean backward on her toes. Her lower limbs went numb and dead, true, but she spared her knees the same agony.
“Obey,” had been the last word from her mother before she stepped into line for the augury to be cast.
“Obey in measure,” had been the wiser advice of her favorite aunt.
The latch on the door—the only piece of wood in the room—clicked, and Santabe shot on to her knees so quickly, she misjudged and toppled onto her side.
“Is this how you show your respects to Dal?” demanded an angry voice, “lying at your ease?”
Santabe ducked her head to avoid the blow aimed for her temple, and the strap landed on her bent neck with a snap, sending pain down her back. She struggled to surge upright, but her numb legs failed her, sending her crashing to the stone again.
