THE BACH DOUBLE: YA contemporary

Overall, I think you’ve got a fun opening with two interesting characters. After reading, I think one paragraph below got me a little confused rather than intrigued. Below are my thoughts as I read. Hope it helps!
I trudge outside, wilting more than the dead blossoms on Mom’s yucca plants. Not from the heat, though my eyeballs broil in the desert sun. [LOVE THIS OPENER; NICE IMAGERY] Dad waits in the car, home from work early to give me a ride.


His face is pale. Maybe he’s tired and will want to stay home.


“Hi, Elise,” he says. “It's been a long day, but I've been looking forward to this.” Terrific.


We’re going to my violin lesson. As in, he’s coming in to take notes like he used to do before I started high school. For no logical reason. My enthusiasm for a lesson with Ms. Randall has vanished. [THE FIRST SENTENCE OF THIS PARAGRAPH FEEL STUCK IN THERE RATHER THAN SEAMLESSLY WOVEN INTO THE MC’S THOUGHTS. MAYBE ADD IT TO THE FIRST PARAGRAPH?: “DAD WAITS IN THE CAR, HOME FROM WORK EARLY TO GIVE ME A RIDE TO MY VIOLIN LESSON. AS IN, HE’S COMING…” I’M ALSO NOT SURE EXACTLY WHAT’S GOING ON IN THIS PARAGRAPH IN GENERAL. HER DAD’S GOING TO THE LESSON TO TAKE NOTES ON THE LESSON? SO HE’S JUST GOING TO SIT THERE AWKWARDLY WHILE HER DAUGHTER IS BEIGN TAUGHT A PIANO LESSON, TAKING NOTES? AND WHY HAS THE MC’S ENTHUSIASM FOR THE LESSONS DECREASED—BECAUSE SHE FINDS IT AWKWARD THAT HER DAD’S THERE TAKING NOTES? RATHER THAN FEELING PULLED IN/INTRIGUED, I FIND MYSELF HAVING A LOT OF QUESTIONS DURING THIS PARAGRAPH.


“I hope you didn't have to cut things short because of me. Mom or Tatum could've taken me like always.”


“No, my last appointment was quick.” He glances at me, brown eyes sharp. “I’ve missed Ms. Randall’s words of wisdom this last year or so. What piece are you going to play for her?”


“The third movement of the Kabalevsky concerto.”


“I don’t remember hearing you play that. Is that new?”


I shake my head. Over the summer I finish [“FINISHED”] practicing while he’s[“HE WAS”] at work.


“Good, we'll see what Ms. Randall thinks.” Another glance. “With school starting, I imagine you’ll practice in the evenings now. Maybe I can give you some feedback between lessons.”


I turn my head so quick, I risk a neck cramp. Please be joking. But his Mona Lisa smile and the glimmer in his eyes make my stomach lurch.

I trudge outside, wilting more than the dead blossoms on Mom’s yucca plants. Not from the heat, though my eyeballs broil in the desert sun. Dad waits in the car, home from work early to give me a ride.


His face is pale. Maybe he’s tired and will want to stay home.


“Hi, Elise,” he says. “It's been a long day, but I've been looking forward to this.” Terrific.


We’re going to my violin lesson. As in, he’s coming in to take notes like he used to do before I started high school. [WHY DID HE DO THIS? WAS HE A MUSIC TEACHER? WAS HE A PERFECTIONIST AND WANTED HER TO BE PERFECT? A LINE OF EXPLANATION MIGHT HELP HERE.] For no logical reason. My enthusiasm for a lesson with Ms. Randall has vanished.


“I hope you didn't have to cut things short because of me. Mom or Tatum could've taken me like always.”


“No, my last appointment was quick.” He glances at me, brown eyes sharp. “I’ve missed Ms. Randall’s words of wisdom this last year or so. What piece are you going to play for her?”


“The third movement of the Kabalevsky concerto.”


“I don’t remember hearing you play that. Is that new?”


I shake my head. Over the summer [COMMA] I finish [FINISHED??] practicing while he’s at work.


“Good, we'll see what Ms. Randall thinks.” Another glance. “With school starting, I imagine you’ll practice in the evenings now. Maybe I can give you some feedback between lessons.”


I turn my head so quick, I risk a neck cramp. Please be joking. But his Mona Lisa smile [WHAT IS THE MONA LISA SMILE SUPPOSED TO IMPLY?] and the glimmer in his eyes make my stomach lurch.


**Overall, I think this is a pretty solid beginning. I'm left wondering about the dad - is he a good person who's trying to get closer to his child but has messed up some in the past, or is he controlling/demanding and the kid wants to stay away from him for those reasons? I'm definitely curious about the backstory here on why she doesn't want her dad to come to her violin lesson. Good luck!