OLDER VERSION #1 Thank you for any feedback you might have!
When world lit student Esther Campos stumbles upon a decaying letter written by a teenaged Rosalía de Castro, future 19th century champion of the Galician literary renaissance, her tightrope begins to unravel. Esther deeply connects with Rosalía’s writings as well as the loneliness and insecurity stemming from their mutual illicit origins.
The letter points to a forsaken novel stowed in her mother’s childhood farmhouse in Spain, and after painful deliberation, Esther embarks on a journey to find the literary treasure, leaving behind her agoraphobic mother and a tattered romantic relationship.
Deep down, Esther wants to contribute something meaningful to the literary world. Besides her teetering academic standing and her mother’s deteriorating mental health, it becomes clear that her narcissistic academic advisor—the eccentric Professor Winterhoff—is wielding her power to seize Rosalía’s novel and attain fame and glory.
After a string of mishaps leaves Esther stranded in Spain with no wallet or phone, she heads across the ancient pilgrimage road known as the Camino de Santiago. If Esther fails to claim the farmhouse and locate the novel before Winterhoff, she will lose the one chance to redeem her academic status, restore the literary canon, and mend her mother’s health. Along the way, she forges unforgettable friendships and experiences near-mystical adventures.
Combining elements of action and mystery, THE ROAD SCHOLAR is an adult upmarket novel complete at 96K words.
When world lit student Esther Campos stumbles upon a decaying letter written by a teenaged Rosalía de Castro, future 19th century champion of the Galician literary renaissance, her tightrope what do you mean by tightrope? I'm not sure what is unravelling or why. begins to unravel. Esther deeply connects with Rosalía’s writings as well as the loneliness and insecurity stemming from their mutual illicit do you mean that they were born out of wedlock? illicit is an odd word here. origins.
Try: "When world lit student Esther stumbles upon a decaying letter written by a teenaged Rosalía, future 19th century champion of the Galician literary renaissance, Esther deeply connects with Rosalía’s writings. She is drawn in by the loneliness and insecurity stemming from their mutual illicit origins."
The letter points to a forsaken novel stowed in her mother’s whose mother? childhood farmhouse in Spain, and after painful deliberation, Esther embarks on a journey to find the literary treasure, leaving behind her agoraphobic mother and a tattered romantic relationship.
Deep down, Esther wants to contribute something meaningful to the literary world. <- this is where we actually get to what she wants. you could start here, include a line about Rosalia's letter, and cut down on everything before this. Besides her teetering academic standing and her mother’s deteriorating mental health, it becomes clear that her narcissistic academic advisor—the eccentric Professor Winterhoff—is wielding her power to seize Rosalía’s novel and attain fame and glory.
After a string of mishaps leaves Esther stranded in Spain with no wallet or phone, she heads across the ancient pilgrimage road known as the Camino de Santiago. If Esther fails to claim the farmhouse and locate the novel before Winterhoff, she will lose the one chance to redeem her academic status, restore the literary canon, and mend her mother’s health what does it have to do with her mother's health?. Along the way, she forges unforgettable friendships and experiences near-mystical adventures.
Combining elements of action and mystery, THE ROAD SCHOLAR I LOVE this pun. is an adult upmarket novel complete at 96K words.
I like it, and it sounds like the kind of book I would want to read! I think you can help yourself by starting where Esther wants something and filling in other details as needed.
Deep down, world lit student Esther Campos wants to contribute something meaningful to the literary world. When she stumbles upon a decaying letter written by a teenaged Rosalía de Castro, 19th century champion of the Galician literary renaissance, Esther connects with the author’s writings. She is drawn in by the loneliness and insecurity stemming from their mutually illicit origins.
The letter points to a forsaken novel stowed in Esther’s mother’s childhood farmhouse, a vacated property in Spain Esther has a chance to claim, if she hurries. Convinced that returning her mother to her former home will slow her debilitating mental illness, Esther embarks on a journey to find the literary treasure, leaving behind her agoraphobic mother and a shattered romantic relationship.
Besides her teetering academic standing and her mother’s deteriorating mental health, it soon becomes clear that her narcissistic academic advisor—the eccentric Professor Winterhoff—is wielding her power to seize Rosalía’s novel and attain fame and glory.
After a string of mishaps leaves Esther stranded in Spain with no wallet or phone, she heads across the ancient pilgrimage road known as the Camino de Santiago. If Esther fails to claim the farmhouse and locate the novel before Winterhoff, she will lose the one chance to redeem her academic status, restore the literary canon, and mend her mother’s health. Along the way, she forges unforgettable friendships and experiences near-mystical adventures.
Combining elements of action and mystery, THE ROAD SCHOLAR is an adult upmarket novel complete at 96K words.
Deep down, world lit student Esther Campos wants to contribute something meaningful to the literary world. When she stumbles upon a decaying letter written by a teenaged Rosalía de Castro, 19th century champion of the Galician literary renaissance, Esther connects with the author’s writings. She is drawn in by the loneliness and insecurity stemming from their mutually illicit origins. I'm not connecting with this first paragraph. I'd like to learn more about who Esther is (what are these illicit origins? THAT'S sexy--get that up front!) and why I should care about her. Also, I think you can lose "deep down" unless you're contrasting her desires with her actions. Maybe move her broken heart up here?
The letter points to a forsaken novel stowed in Esther’s mother’s childhood farmhouse, a vacated property in Spain Esther has a chance to claim, if she hurries. Convinced that returning her mother to her former home will slow her debilitating mental illness, Esther embarks on a journey to find the literary treasure, leaving behind her agoraphobic (is her debilitating mental illness her agoraphobia? If so, I'd reverse the order of these terms. If not, I'd remove "agoraphobic" because it's confusing) mother and a shattered romantic relationship. (I'd prefer a reference to her broken heart rather than the relationship if you're not going to mention her love interest again--this indicates that she needs healing; "shattered" could be Esther's fault and makes me less sympathetic.)
Besides her teetering academic standing and her mother’s deteriorating mental health, it soon becomes clear that her narcissistic academic advisor—the eccentric Professor Winterhoff—is wielding her power to seize Rosalía’s novel and attain fame and glory.
After a string of mishaps leaves Esther stranded in Spain with no wallet or phone, she heads across the ancient pilgrimage road known as the Camino de Santiago. If Esther fails to claim the farmhouse and locate the novel before Winterhoff, she will lose the one chance to redeem her academic status, restore the literary canon, and mend her mother’s health. Along the way, she forges unforgettable friendships and experiences near-mystical adventures. (Love the stakes and this paragraph!)
Combining elements of action and mystery, THE ROAD SCHOLAR is an adult upmarket novel complete at 96K words.
World lit student Esther Campos yearns to contribute something meaningful to the literary world. When she stumbles upon a decaying letter written by a teenaged Rosalía de Castro, 19th century champion of the Galician literary renaissance, Esther connects with the author’s writings. She is drawn in by the loneliness and insecurity stemming from their mutually illicit origins. Like Rosalía, Esther was the product of a love affair between a seminarian and young woman. She has ached to meet her father her whole life.
The letter points to a forsaken novel stowed in Esther’s mother’s childhood farmhouse, a vacated property in Spain Esther has a chance to claim, if she hurries. Convinced that returning her mother to her former home will heal her mother’s agoraphobia, Esther embarks on a journey to find the literary treasure, leaving behind her ailing mother and a broken heart.
Besides her teetering academic standing and her mother’s deteriorating mental health, it soon becomes clear that her narcissistic academic advisor—the eccentric Professor Winterhoff—is wielding her power to seize Rosalía’s novel and attain fame and glory.
After a string of mishaps leaves Esther stranded in Spain with no wallet or phone, she heads across the ancient pilgrimage road known as the Camino de Santiago. If Esther fails to claim the farmhouse and locate the novel before Winterhoff, she will lose the one chance to redeem her academic status, restore the literary canon, and mend her mother’s health. Along the way, she forges unforgettable friendships and experiences near-mystical adventures.
Combining elements of action and mystery, THE ROAD SCHOLAR is an adult upmarket novel complete at 97K words.
I love the premise here (I'd definitely read this!), and you have a good query. I'm just making a few suggestion to improve readability. I hope they help
World lit Grad or undergrad? student Esther Campos yearns to contribute something meaningful to the literary world. When she stumbles upon a decaying letter written by a teenaged Rosalía de Castro, 19th century champion of the Galician literary renaissance. Like Rosalía, Esther was the product of a love affair between a seminarian and young woman. , Esther connects with the author’s writings. She is dDrawn in by the loneliness and insecurity stemming from their mutually (I'm not sure this is the word you want) common illicit origins, she connects with the author’s writings. Like Rosalía, Esther was the product of a love affair between a seminarian and young woman. She has ached to meet her father her whole life. (this is just to explain their illicit origins before you mention it)
The letter points to a forsaken novel by Rosalía stowed in Esther’s mother’s childhood farmhouse, a vacated property in Spain Esther has a chance to claim, if she hurries (this sentence is a bit long, so I'd consider splitting). Convinced that returning her mother to her former home will heal her mother’s agoraphobia, Esther embarks on a journey to find the literary treasure. , leaving behind her ailing mother and a broken heart. (this part is a bit unclear and I'm not sure you need it)
Besides her teetering academic standing and her mother’s deteriorating mental health, it soon becomes clear that her narcissistic academic advisor—the eccentric Professor Winterhoff— (no need for another name) is wielding her power (how?) to seize Rosalía’s novel and attain fame and glory. (another long sentence I'd suggest splitting)
After a string of mishaps (a bit vague... can you maybe mention one to make it more specific?) leaves Esther stranded in Spain with no wallet or phone, she heads across the ancient pilgrimage road known as the Camino de Santiago (there are many roads, the French camino being the longest, and the Portuguese and English being the shortest two... might be worth specifying which... and why? why not just try to get new copies of her documents, bank card, buy a new phone?). If Esther fails to claim the farmhouse (what's stopping her from doing it?) and locate the novel before Winterhoff her advisor, she will lose the one chance to redeem her academic status, restore the literary canon, and mend her mother’s health (why would the novel mend her mother's health?). Along the way, she forges unforgettable friendships and experiences near-mystical adventures. (I think this last sentence is a bit flat. It doesn't give me a sense of urgency and doesn't mention the novel she's searching for.)
Combining elements of action and mystery, THE ROAD SCHOLAR is an adult upmarket novel complete at 97K words.
World lit student Esther Campos yearns to contribute something meaningful to the literary world. When she stumbles upon a decaying letter written by a teenaged Rosalía de Castro, 19th century champion of the Galician literary renaissance, Esther connects with the author’s writings. She is drawn in by the loneliness and insecurity stemming from their mutually illicit origins. Like Rosalía, Esther was the product of a love affair between a seminarian and young woman. She has ached to meet her father her whole life.
The letter points to a forsaken novel stowed in Esther’s mother’s childhood farmhouse, a vacated property in Spain Esther has a chance to claim, if she hurries. Convinced that returning her mother to her former home will heal her mother’s agoraphobia, Esther embarks on a journey to find the literary treasure, leaving behind her ailing mother and a broken heart.
Besides her teetering academic standing and her mother’s deteriorating mental health, it soon becomes clear that her narcissistic academic advisor—the eccentric Professor Winterhoff—is wielding her power to seize Rosalía’s novel and attain fame and glory.
After a string of mishaps leaves Esther stranded in Spain with no wallet or phone, she heads across the ancient pilgrimage road known as the Camino de Santiago. If Esther fails to claim the farmhouse and locate the novel before Winterhoff, she will lose the one chance to redeem her academic status, restore the literary canon, and mend her mother’s health. Along the way, she forges unforgettable friendships and experiences near-mystical adventures.
Combining elements of action and mystery, THE ROAD SCHOLAR is an adult upmarket novel complete at 97K words.
Sylvia, this sounds like a lovely story and I think Spooky's done a terrific job of suggested edits earlier. Not sure I can add anything that wouldn't be repetitive but I'll be glad to take another look if you post a further revised version. Best, Jim
When world lit student Esther Campos stumbles upon a letter written by a teenaged Rosalía de Castro, 19th century champion of the Galician literary renaissance, she discovers they share a secret. Like Rosalía, Esther was the product of a love affair between a priest and young woman. Drawn in by the loneliness and insecurity stemming from her illicit origins, Esther connects with the author’s wistful writings.
The letter points to a forsaken novel Rosalía stowed in her childhood farmhouse in Spain, which Esther learns, to her amazement, was also her mother’s childhood home. Now a foreclosure, Esther has a chance to claim it, if she hurries. Convinced that returning to her birthplace will heal her mother’s agoraphobia, Esther embarks on an adventure to claim the property and rescue the literary treasure.
After landing in León, Esther’s wallet and phone are stolen. A business conference and mechanical issues cause a backlog of overbooked flights, leaving Esther stranded. Desperate, she summons her cycling skills, scoops up an abandoned bike, and rides across Spain on the ancient pilgrimage road known as the Camino de Santiago.
Troubles cast a shadow over her journey: a shaky academic standing, her mother, and the recent discovery that her boyfriend and her narcissistic academic advisor are having a sizzling affair. Adding fuel to the fire, her academic advisor enlists a former student to stalk Esther and seize Rosalía’s novel to attain scholarly fame and glory.
If Esther fails to reach Santiago in time to claim the house and locate the novel, she will lose the one chance to redeem her academic status, restore the literary canon, and mend her mother’s health.
Combining elements of action and mystery, THE ROAD SCHOLAR is an adult upmarket novel complete at 97K words.