Magic is a relic, drained from the world when the gods abandoned their people. It’s not supposed to exist anymore, but Raian, a young linguist from the isolated northern lands, was born with fire in his blood. As far as he knows, he’s the only one of his kind, and he made a promise to his father over his mother’s funeral pyre that he would never touch his magic again.
But magic, it seems, is not the only thing seeping back into the mortal world.
Servants of a rogue god known as the soul thief, imprisoned in her realm of shadows for centuries, hunt for souls strong enough to return power to their master. No soul shines brighter than one laced with magic. After a near death run-in with one of the soul thief’s shadows, Raian leaves his mountain homeland behind, hoping to discover more about the god, and himself.
His journey takes him across the country, to an ocean tribal nation, through strange feudal lands, and a sprawling city reminiscent of the gods’ glory days. Along the way, Raian meets a stranger with magic of his own. When he discovers there’s more than fire lurking in his blood, Raian begins to question everything he believes about himself, his past, and his future. As shadows haunt his every step, Raian must decide to keep running, or face it head on, with magic as his shield. The soul thief will corrupt anyone to claim him and return to the mortal world.
Magic is a relic, drained from the world when the gods abandoned their people. It’s not supposed to exist anymore <--This part seems slightly redundant, given that you already said it was drained from the world, but Raian, a young linguist from the isolated northern lands, was born with fire in his blood <-- the language is nice, but it doesn't actually explain what he can do. I would keep the "fire lurking in his blood" language below, and maybe opt for something more descriptive here?. As far as he knows, he’s the only one of his kind, and he made a promise to his father over his mother’s funeral pyre that he would never touch his magic again.
But magic, it seems, is not the only thing seeping back into the mortal world.
Servants of a rogue god known as the soul thief, imprisoned in her realm of shadows for centuries, hunt for souls strong enough to return power to their master. No soul shines brighter than one laced with magic. After a near death run-in with one of the soul thief’s shadows <-- are shadows the soul thief's servants?, Raian leaves his mountain homeland behind, hoping to discover more about the god, and himself <-- if this is where the plot really kicks off, consider having this earlier, rather than at the end of the second paragraph.
His journey takes him across the country, to an ocean tribal nation, through strange feudal lands, and a sprawling city reminiscent of the gods’ glory days. Along the way, Raian meets a stranger with magic of his own. When he discovers there’s more than fire lurking in his blood, Raian begins to question everything he believes about himself, his past, and his future. As shadows haunt his every step, Raian must decide to keep running, or face it head on, with magic as his shield <-- the language in this sentence is somewhat confusing to me. I'm not sure if it's just me, would love other people to chime in here!. The soul thief will corrupt anyone to claim him and return to the mortal world.
Magic is a relic, drained from the world when the gods abandoned their people. It’s not supposed to exist anymore, but Raian, a young linguist from the isolated northern lands, was born with fire in his blood. As far as he knows, he’s the only one of his kind, and he made a promise to his father over his mother’s funeral pyre that he would never touch his magic again.
But magic, it seems, is not the only thing seeping back into the mortal world.
Servants of a rogue god known as the soul thief, imprisoned in her realm of shadows for centuries, hunt for souls strong enough to return power to their master. No soul shines brighter than one laced with magic. After a near death run-in with one of the soul thief’s shadows, Raian leaves his mountain homeland behind, hoping to discover more about the god, and himself.
His journey takes him across the country, to an ocean tribal nation, through strange feudal lands, and a sprawling city reminiscent of the gods’ glory days. (This is summarisation, and summarization tends to kill the pacing. Since this is all world building and doesn't further the story in your query, you should cut it.) On his journey, Raian meets a stranger with magic of his own. When he discovers there’s more than fire lurking in his blood, Raian begins to question everything he believes about himself, his past, and his future. As shadows haunt his every step, Raian must decide to keep running, or face it head on, with magic as his shield. The soul thief will corrupt anyone to claim him and return to the mortal world.
Thanks for checking out my query.
So, your query largely feels pretty polished, but there's one thing that needs to be fleshed out. When it comes to fantasy, you can usually expect to see magic, and people want to see why your magic is different. What makes your query different from the hundreds of others an agent receives each month? I found your soul thieves very interesting, but what can Raian do? You say he has fire in his blood, but we don't know if you're adding dramatic flair, or if he can actually summon fire. Try to give us a better sense of what he can do.
Also, I would create a stronger motivation for leaving his home, other than to just learn more about this god, as well as himself. Does he feel like he has to learn more, otherwise he'll someday die from repeated attempts to harvest his soul?