Lee Denning loves her job as an electrical engineer at a small airplane and truck scale company in a tiny town in Texas, except when her wimpy boss speaks, or she sleeps with one of the guys from the machine shop. Luckily, both are easily handled by Lee, who isn’t afraid of using a soldering iron to strike fear in anyone that crosses her.
When Lee’s mother reveals that her younger sister, Ally, has disappeared to join a return-to-nature camp with a tech billionaire turned Luddite, Lee is determined to find her wayward sister even if it destroys her comfortable, simple life.
Lee and her friends begin searching for information on the camp’s location, which leads them on intense road trips through Oklahoma, from ghost towns to being chased by bulls. Even when it feels like they are getting nowhere, Lee can’t give up on finding her sister—if only to smack her upside the head for her relentless ability to stir up drama.
They finally locate the camp, but nothing is as expected. When Lee learns the truth about what Ally has been involved in, it becomes apparent that Ally isn’t the only sister who is lost. Lee must decide whether her pride is worth destroying her relationship with her sister—and possibly her entire family.
THE LOST SISTER is women’s fiction, complete at 86,000 words.
Lee Denning loves her job as an electrical engineer at a small airplane and truck scale company in a tiny town in Texas (these are a lot of adjectives at once. I would suggest cutting a couple.), except when her wimpy boss speaks, or she sleeps with one of the guys from the machine shop. Luckily, both are easily handled by Lee, who isn’t afraid of using a soldering iron to strike fear in anyone that crosses her.
When Lee’s mother reveals that her younger sister, Ally, has disappeared to join a return-to-nature camp with a tech billionaire turned Luddite, Lee is determined to find her wayward sister even if it destroys her comfortable, simple life.
Lee and her friends begin searching for information on the camp’s location, which leads them on intense road trips through Oklahoma, from ghost towns to being chased by bulls. Even when it feels like they are getting nowhere, Lee can’t give up on finding her sister—if only to smack her upside the head for her relentless ability to stir up drama. ('Relentless' doesn't feel like an appropriate word. After all, her sister has been missing for who knows how long. She may have been relentless in the past, but without having read the story itself, the adjective doesn't fit well here.)
They finally locate the camp, but nothing is as expected. When Lee learns the truth about what Ally has been involved in, it becomes apparent that Ally isn’t the only sister who is lost. (This feels too vague. Can you give us a better idea of what Ally is involved in? Queries are different from book blurbs, in that they can give a little more of the story away. Also, is there a third sister involved? This detail seems to come out of nowhere.) Lee must decide whether her pride is worth destroying her relationship with her sister—and possibly her entire family. (I would rephrase this. As is, it feels like half of a thought that was never finished. Can you be more specific about how that pride manifests into something we can connect with? Something we'll care about her sacrificing? Because everyone can do to lose a bit of pride, so it seems like there's only one choice we'd want Lee to make. The best stakes are ones that make the decision the protagonist will have to make much less obvious.)
THE LOST SISTER is women’s fiction, complete at 86,000 words.
Thank you for your consideration.
A female protagonist who's an electrical engineer sounds very compelling. Definitely the kind of main character I would want to read about.
Lee Denning loves her job as an electrical engineer at a small airplane and truck scale company in a tiny town in Texas, except when her wimpy boss speaks, or she sleeps with one of the guys from the machine shop. Say that sentence out loud. If you have to take a breath before finishing it, it's too long. Yeah, it's too long ) Luckily, both are easily handled by Lee, who isn’t afraid of using a soldering iron to strike fear in anyone that crosses her. She seems nice.
When Lee’s mother reveals that her younger sister, Ally, has disappeared to join a return-to-nature camp with a tech billionaire turned Luddite, Lee is determined to find her wayward sister even if it destroys her comfortable, simple life. Did not see that coming. I'll roll with it though.
Lee and her friends begin searching for information on the camp’s location, which leads them on intense road trips through Oklahoma, from ghost towns to being chased by bulls. There is so much opportunity to add voice here. Even when it feels like they are getting nowhere, Lee can’t give up on finding her sister—if only to smack her upside the head for her relentless ability to stir up drama. She sounds like a big sister.
They finally locate the camp, but nothing is as expected. When Lee learns the truth about what Ally has been involved in, it becomes apparent that Ally isn’t the only sister who is lost. Lee must decide whether her pride is worth destroying her relationship with her sister—and possibly her entire family. Your query needs more meat and potatoes. I don't have any info about what your book is about other than big sis is looking for little sis. Give away more plot, but not too much more. Just enough to show me what makes your story stand out.
THE LOST SISTER is women’s fiction, complete at 86,000 words.
Lee Denning loves her job as an electrical engineer at a small airplane and truck scale company in a tiny town in Texas, except when her wimpy boss speaks, or she sleeps with one of the guys from the machine shop. Luckily, both are easily handled by Lee (I'd change this to active voice), who isn’t afraid of using a soldering iron to strike fear in anyone that crosses her (can you give an example?).
When Lee’s mother reveals that her younger sister, Ally, has disappeared to join a return-to-nature camp with a tech billionaire turned Luddite, Lee is determined to find her wayward sister even if it destroys her comfortable, simple life.
Lee and her friends begin searching for information on the camp’s location, which leads them on intense road trips through Oklahoma, from ghost towns to being chased by bulls. Even when it feels like they are getting nowhere, Lee can’t give up on finding her sister—if only to smack her upside the head for her relentless ability to stir up drama. This sounds like a fun story!
They finally locate the camp, but nothing is as expected. When Lee learns the truth about what Ally has been involved in, it becomes apparent that Ally isn’t the only sister who is lost. Lee must decide whether her pride is worth destroying her relationship with her sister—and possibly her entire family. (I love these stakes, but I'm not completely clear on how her pride factors in. Can you clarify or provide specifics?)
THE LOST SISTER is women’s fiction, complete at 86,000 words.