Hi I also posted a Query for critique, if you're interested.
Intuition sucker-punched me. I doubled over in the shower, my feet slipped in opposite directions, and I clutched the soap bar.
Images and sounds grated across my mind, one-by-one, quick and distorted, like a spliced movie reel gone wonky—light glinting off a knife, flickering fire, rain coming down, and darkness so complete it’d swallow sunlight.
Squatting in the shower, warm water glided down my back while I shivered. Go away. Go away. I don’t want to see any of this. I slapped the water lever off, stood on shaky knees and snatched a towel off the rack.
I stepped out, and a cold wave of green-grey frustration rolled over me. I paced the bathroom floor, talking to myself. “They’re not coming back. They can’t. I banished them eight years ago.”
Halting, I brought my focus to the black abyss of my subconscious. I sent a command, ordering my mental lock boxes forth. From the murky depths, the chests rocketed forward, pounding down, front and center in a circle of light within my mind’s eye. Thick chains wrapped around them clanked and jangled as the metal boxes settled.
I mentally fingered each rivet and band, yanking and tugging on the locks and chains securing them. “Everything’s still sealed—my powers, my connection to the Elemental beings.”
With a swipe of my hand, I slung the chests back into the gloomy darkness of my psyche. “It’s all in my head.” I nibbled on a nail. The visions are not real. Not. Real.
This is an interesting first page. There's not really anything to nitpick because it's polished, but I do have a suggestion: You should make it clear that these locks she's putting place are a real thing, taking up a real place in her mind (with real consequences if she doesn't do this). They can't just be a dramatic representation of her thoughts. I hope that makes sense. Because if the reader assumes it's just her being dramatic, then it'll totally ruin the tension. If there's no sense of real world consequence, then it'll feel like nothing in the scene really matters.
Shannon is right - your imagery really is lovely. You give a lot of information without making it dense or boring. Really great job.
I think my only critique would be that the last paragraph seems to not match up with the rest of the piece. She has obviously had power and ability and a connection with the Elemental beings enough to know that visions are real for her. It seems like "it's all in my head" is kind of a mute point. If she has power and ability that were known enough for her to also have the ability to lock it away then she's probably not thinking it's make-believe (or at least that strikes me as a bit odd). She's anxious as she's saying it, but still it rubs the wrong way. Maybe something about the locks haven't failed or the lock boxes seem intact or something...
Just some food for thought. I'm excited to read your book.