Insomniac Seattle barista SAMANTHA O'CONNOR faces stratospheric rent, a case of depression, and imminent burnout. All she wants is a good night’s sleep and an appointment with a psychiatrist.
Instead, she’s visited by a Mesopotamian storm god. He bestows upon her a gift—power over the weather. And as gifts often do, this one comes with a price. Written into Sam’s very flesh is the key to resurrecting Lilith, mother of demons. This draws the attention of the ancient demon AMATA, who wants her mommy back.
Relentlessly pursued from arid Eastern Washington to the rainforests of the Olympic Peninsula, Sam fights a torrential onslaught of demonkind while searching for a way to vanquish Amata. If she fails, Lilith will return to birth an army of demons—an army that will blow through the world like a hurricane.
Grown up BUFFY with a touch of GILGAMESH, SHOULD LIGHTNING STRIKE is a completed adult urban fantasy of 86,700 words and has series potential.
For conflict and stakes, I had trouble after one pass trying to figure this out. After a few reads, I think I know but I don’t want to say, so others have a chance to read and form their own thoughts! I would expect a darker story from this query.
For the query, it is tight. 150ish words? I understand you probably left some out, like the bio, but it has a lot of names in there. And I wonder why this storm god chose Sam. I think you could add 100ish words and still be in a good area for query length and that would allow more information. I do like the opening paragraph.
I’m interested to see the feedback of others.
Last Edit: May 6, 2018 7:18:12 GMT -5 by heatherixa
I love the premise of bringing back some of these older gods (and I'm sucker for anytime we start talking Gilgamesh!) but I'm unclear on a couple of things:
1) Why does this Mesopotamian god choose her? Is there anyway to get that into the query? I hate the feel of randomness, especially in a query because it makes me wonder if the character has agency in the novel or if interesting things just happen to her.
2) Why does the gift come with the key to resurrecting Lilith? I ask because it's a major point in the plot that the MC is pursued by this demon and it's another thing happening to the character.
If you could address these, I feel like that would clear up the stakes that the other commenters mention. Again, I love this premise! Good luck!
I'm loving the voice here! To kind of speak against some of the other critiques, I'm not sure it's necessary to say WHY the god chose her. It could be a plot twist or surprise reveal later on for all I know. But if there's any way you could hint as to why she was chosen, it's still not a bad idea. It still sounds awesome.