THE MAGICAL STONES is an adult contemporary fantasy told from three perspectives and is complete at 80,000 words.
Twenty-three-year-old Opal Stone comes from a long bloodline of witches. Her mother currently uses magic potions to pose as the world’s biggest popstar. Opal worries that such grand scale magic could expose witches to the world. More so, she fears that this is exactly her mother’s intention. Opal tries to keep her mother in check and younger sister safe, while attending graduate school and flirting with the mysterious guy in her interdisciplinary group.
Eighteen-year-old Emerald Stone realizes that others share her sister’s concerns since the Coven, the governing body of witches, deliver an ultimatum to control their mom or else. But her mom promises to behave and plus she’s way more fun to hang with. Anyhow, Emerald has bigger things happening, like these first ever romantic feelings for a girl.
Sapphire Stone believes the modern world will embrace witches, with a brilliant entrance and the perfect person to command the stage. Her popstar persona is just the girl for the job. She’ll reveal her grander plans to her daughters in time and she doesn’t fear the Coven hags. What does alarm Sapphire is this insufferable male reporter who could ruin her entire production.
One of three things could be the demise of the Stone women: the Coven, their romances, or each other.
I think you have an intriguing concept and I liked how you were able to give a bit of each character's voice and motivations within the paragraphs about them. I think the 3 POVs is risky but could have a big payoff if you are able to do it. My biggest concern for the query is the conflict - you give some generalities such as family conflict, will the mom 'behave' (certainly she won't!), and the potential for romantic entanglements, but I would suggest being a little more specific about what precisely the mother is planning to do, and how will the other 2 POV characters be impacted by it? I think maybe a little more information about the potential romantic interests/troubles would be good, but I'm not really a romance reader at all so I could be wrong there. Overall I thought you did a nice job establishing the tone of the novel and providing a glimpse of the characters, maybe a little clearer picture of what the conflict(s) will be. Good luck!
I like the premise presented in this query, and as a reader of the genre, I'd certainly consider it.
I'll agree that 3 POVs concern me, specifically for a shorter novel. There's very little space to express each character's voice and story, but good writing is good writing and can address this. The stakes concerned me a bit more. In the last line, the query lays out some stakes, but I'd think outing the witches to the world override those concerns. It's the big deal, although I'd like to hear more about why it's a big deal. And why would only one of three things be their demise?
One nit caught my attention. The first few lines led me to consider this as possibly a YA novel, despite its presentation as adult. You lead in with the mother-daughter relationship, with a mother (someone pushing 50?) filling the role of popstar (typically in their 20's-young 30s.)
As far as characters, Sapphire comes across as selfish and possibly unlikable. Tell me something good about her, or I won't want to read her POV. Anything to communicate the possibility of redemption. Opal and Emerald are likable, and it's their stories that interest me.
I do get a good sense of the authors voice from this query, and I like it.
THE MAGICAL STONES is an adult contemporary fantasy told from three perspectives and is complete at 80,000 words.
Twenty-three-year-old Opal Stone comes from a long bloodline of witches. Her mother currently uses magic potions to pose as the world’s biggest popstar. Opal worries that such grand scale magic could expose witches to the world (and what bad thing would happen then?). More so, she fears that this is exactly her mother’s intention. Opal tries to keep her mother in check and younger sister safe, while attending graduate school and flirting with the mysterious guy in her interdisciplinary group. Does Opal want something else besides keeping Mom from outing the witches and romance? Does she have career aspirations that Mom/sis are keeping her from? (stakes are good but could be crisper, I think)
Eighteen-year-old Emerald Stone realizes that others share her sister’s concerns since the Coven, the governing body of witches, deliver an ultimatum to control their mom or else. But her mom promises to behave and plus she’s way more fun to hang with. Anyhow, Emerald has bigger things happening, like these first ever romantic feelings for a girl. (Love the voice in this paragraph!)
Sapphire Stone believes the modern world will embrace witches, with a brilliant entrance and the perfect person to command the stage. Her popstar persona is just the girl for the job. She’ll reveal her grander plans to her daughters in time and she doesn’t fear the Coven hags. What does alarm Sapphire is this insufferable male reporter who could ruin her entire production.
One of three things could be the demise of the Stone women: the Coven, their romances, or each other. I think this paragraph needs to be longer and more detailed. So far, there's not much action in your query. I love the character intros, but what happens? And I'd love to know more about the stakes. What choices do they face? What are the stakes if they fail or choose the wrong thing? Are there larger impacts, like for other witches?