Post by armunro on May 4, 2018 13:07:05 GMT -5
Hello all,
I"m working on more showing and less telling... Any feedback is appreciated - this is a weak area for me. Thanks SO much!
Adventure, it turns out, is only exciting until it kills you. Alexander took a deep breath and felt his heart stop as he rocketed forward at top speed in his leaden body cast.
He bit his lip, drawing blood, to hold back the scream. Holy crap I’m fast. Alexander wasn’t going to live through the impact; he knew that down to his bones. His fractured bones were only beginning to mend, how much could his body take?
He closed his eyes, swallowing. So many things he would never do. It seemed stupid now that he had never kissed a girl. Sue’s gentle green eyes and freckled nose passed over his thoughts. He’d never even had a burning ambition outside of the last thirty seconds. Why did I waste so much time? Stupid Alexander. Just stupid. He was so awkward, afraid of being unremarkable. He chuckled. This, this soul-eating, can’t breathe feeling was real fear. It put things into perspective.
He closed his eyes against the terrifying scene he was hurtling into. Misshapen figures dancing in the flickering light played across the backs of his eyelids anyway. The overpowering smell of roses, mingled with the dry smell of salt made his belly clench with fear. It was too late to back out now.
Alexander was drowning in bitter regret. He wouldn’t live to feel the power of being a Creator. He got the golden ticket into Hidden, the dimension that fed creativity and wonder into ordinary reality, only to kill himself for a noble cause.
Adventure, it turns out, is only exciting until it kills you. Alexander took a deep breath and felt his heart stop as he rocketed forward at top speed in his leaden body cast.
Alexander wasn’t going to live through the impact; he knew that down to his bones. His life actually flashed before his eyes. He thought that only happened in the movies. So many things he would never do. It seemed stupid now that he had never kissed a girl, never traveled, never had a burning ambition outside of the last thirty seconds. He had been so awkward, afraid of being unremarkable. He chuckled. What a waste of time. He knew what real fear was now.
He closed his eyes against the terrifying scene flying towards him. Misshapen figures dancing in the flickering light played across the backs of his eyelids anyway. The overpowering smell of roses, mingled with the dry smell of salt made his belly clench with fear. It was too late to back out now.
Alexander felt a pang of regret that he would never come into the fullness of the power he might have had here. He had been granted the golden ticket into Hidden, the dimension that fed creativity and wonder into ordinary reality, only to have his life cut short. If he could just do this one thing before he died…
His last thought was one of hope. Perhaps his small life would help his friends survive to save the world, not that the world would ever know.
I"m working on more showing and less telling... Any feedback is appreciated - this is a weak area for me. Thanks SO much!
Adventure, it turns out, is only exciting until it kills you. Alexander took a deep breath and felt his heart stop as he rocketed forward at top speed in his leaden body cast.
He bit his lip, drawing blood, to hold back the scream. Holy crap I’m fast. Alexander wasn’t going to live through the impact; he knew that down to his bones. His fractured bones were only beginning to mend, how much could his body take?
He closed his eyes, swallowing. So many things he would never do. It seemed stupid now that he had never kissed a girl. Sue’s gentle green eyes and freckled nose passed over his thoughts. He’d never even had a burning ambition outside of the last thirty seconds. Why did I waste so much time? Stupid Alexander. Just stupid. He was so awkward, afraid of being unremarkable. He chuckled. This, this soul-eating, can’t breathe feeling was real fear. It put things into perspective.
He closed his eyes against the terrifying scene he was hurtling into. Misshapen figures dancing in the flickering light played across the backs of his eyelids anyway. The overpowering smell of roses, mingled with the dry smell of salt made his belly clench with fear. It was too late to back out now.
Alexander was drowning in bitter regret. He wouldn’t live to feel the power of being a Creator. He got the golden ticket into Hidden, the dimension that fed creativity and wonder into ordinary reality, only to kill himself for a noble cause.
Alexander wasn’t going to live through the impact; he knew that down to his bones. His life actually flashed before his eyes. He thought that only happened in the movies. So many things he would never do. It seemed stupid now that he had never kissed a girl, never traveled, never had a burning ambition outside of the last thirty seconds. He had been so awkward, afraid of being unremarkable. He chuckled. What a waste of time. He knew what real fear was now.
He closed his eyes against the terrifying scene flying towards him. Misshapen figures dancing in the flickering light played across the backs of his eyelids anyway. The overpowering smell of roses, mingled with the dry smell of salt made his belly clench with fear. It was too late to back out now.
Alexander felt a pang of regret that he would never come into the fullness of the power he might have had here. He had been granted the golden ticket into Hidden, the dimension that fed creativity and wonder into ordinary reality, only to have his life cut short. If he could just do this one thing before he died…
His last thought was one of hope. Perhaps his small life would help his friends survive to save the world, not that the world would ever know.