The Book of Hidden: YA Fantasy

Bronniesway - You. Are. Awesome. Thanks so much for this. I know the story so well that it's really hard to look at the query and see how confusing it might be to someone else. I'll work it through again.

Overall comments: I really like your story concept. My book goes off-world too and I just love different realities. I like that your characters face obstacles and they will need to band together. And, most kids have insecurities so the story will relate to other's current issues.

I may paste excerpts from your query and will comment using [CDH - ]

Gravity had always been predictable, but since receiving a talking book with a chip on its shoulder, Alexander Swift can’t count on it.
[CDH - Okay, so I get maybe he falls a lot, or his struggle deals with gravity. Below is an optional change up of your text:
Gravity used to be predictable, but since receiving a talking book with a chip on its shoulder, Alexander Swift can’t count on it.
]
Falling sideways into a different dimension, called Hidden, with his sister Ivy and his best friend, Jack promises to be an unforgettable adventure. Especially for Alexander, who has always worried that he is a little too unremarkable. The friends are given a momentous choice. Stay in Hidden and try to save the world (*at their own risk) or to pretend things are fine and get back to that geometry class.
[CDH - I think you could consider combining paragraph 1 & 2. Your 1st sentence of paragraph 2 is confusing. The reader can’t tell if Jack or Alexander promises it will be an adventure. See below data:
When Alexander, his sister Ivy, and best friend Jack accidentally fall sideways into the Hidden dimension, Jack hypes it up to be an unforgettable adventure. Since Alexander has always felt a little too unremarkable, he’s ready for something extraordinary. Soon the friends will have to decide to stay in the Hidden and find a way to save the world while their own life is in jeopardy or leave the interesting new reality and return to boring geometry class and pretend nothing ever happened.
]
Suddenly Alexander has all new problems. Their trainer in Hidden is spooky, possibly not human, and Alexander might have a crush on her. The book shifts them between dimensions whenever it feels like it. Plus, Alexander’s life in normal reality is being played out by a stunt double with questionable decision-making abilities. Maybe it’s time to find out if insanity qualifies for a sick note.
[CDH - I think this would benefit if you lay out the stakes, conflicts and char wants a bit more. See below example but know I’m not sure if any of it is true as I haven’t read your full book.
Decisions are never simple. Their trainer in Hidden is spooky, possibly not human, and since Alexander is crushing on her, he’d really like to impress her by finding a fix for his home-world. But, the book shifts them between dimensions whenever it feels like it, <tugging/throwing them farther away from a solution>. And there’s this stunt-double with questionable decision-making abilities leading Alexander’s earth-life, meaning if he doesn’t abandon his quest soon, he may return to his own personal chaos.
]
A quest to an oracle in Hidden turns into a deadly ambush as the force destroying Hidden turns its hungry eyes on the bright new humans who stand in its path. Can Alexander overcome impossible odds and his own self-doubt to save his book and his friends?
[CDH - You phrased the last sentence in the form of a question, but it may be more impactful to make a statement about what he needs to do to achieve his goal.
Hoping an oracle can give insight on how they should proceed, the trio set out on a quest to find her. But the forces trying to destroy the Hidden turns its hungry eyes on the bright new humans standing in its path and sets a deadly ambush for them. Alexander’s biggest test will be to overcome his insecurities and surmounting obstacles to save his book, himself and his friends.
]
The Book of Hidden is a 74,000-word young adult fantasy novel. The novel stands alone but has series potential.
[CDH - THE BOOK OF HIDDEN is a YA Fiction novel complete at 74,000 words. It is a stand-alone work with series potential.

Hello all,
Here is version 3.0... I'd love your thoughts. Thanks!

Dear QK Judges,

Gravity used to be predictable, but since receiving a talking book with a chip on its shoulder, Alexander Swift can’t count on it. The book pulls Alexander, his sister Ivy, and his best friend Jack sideways into a wondrous dimension, called Hidden and the trio learns of a dark power threatening this world. If Hidden withers, reality will fall.

The friends have to choose: stay in Hidden and try to save the worlds (*at their own risk) or give up this wondrous dimension and get back to geometry class in relative safety. For Alexander, who has always felt unremarkable and overprotected, this is his chance to be more.

Suddenly, Alexander has all new problems. Their trainer in Hidden is spooky, possibly not human, and very crush-worthy. Turning into a superhero is way more work than Alexander wanted, and the book shifts him between dimensions whenever it feels like it. Plus, Alexander’s earth life is being played out by a stunt double with questionable decision-making abilities. It feels like time to find out if insanity qualifies for a sick note.

Hoping an oracle can help them find answers, the friends embark on the dangerous journey to her temple. The quest becomes a deadly ambush, leaving Alexander, already in a leaden body cast, to decide if he has enough grit to risk his life for the cause.

THE BOOK OF HIDDEN is a young adult fantasy novel, complete at 74,000-words. It is a stand-alone work with series potential.