Jake is a drummer with a rock star reputation—but Louana refuses to be just another stop on his tour.
New-to-town Louana Higgins was searching for friends. Finding a fling with Jake Riley was an unplanned and delectable bonus, but when he hops back on his bus, they’re clearly over. Done. Finito.
So that yummy drummer should stop sending texts in the middle of the night. Because the feisty brunette is not thinking about what they did against her front door. Or his Scooby Doo voice when he talks to the dog she walks. But Jake is persistent and too enticing, and when he’s in town again Louana can’t help but admit she wants seconds.
Then he does the unthinkable: he asks her for a relationship. Dating a rising rock star while he’s on tour seems like a terrible idea. As if long distance and groupies (though thankfully she’s not the only girlfriend backstage) aren’t high enough hurdles, her new beau also comes with a wicked lead singer. A man so devoted to tearing the couple apart, he’ll reveal Jake’s dirtiest secret. Left reeling at the revelation, Louana must now decide to forgive her boyfriend’s sins of the past or leave the rock star she loves.
FASTER is a dual POV adult contemporary romance, complete at 74,000 words with series potential.
Jake is a drummer with a rock star reputation—but Louana refuses to be just another stop on his tour.
New-to-town Louana Higgins was searching for friends. Finding a fling with Jake Riley was an unplanned and delectable bonus, but when he hops back on his bus, they’re clearly over. Done. Finito.
So that yummy drummer should stop sending texts in the middle of the night. Because the feisty brunette is not thinking about what they did against her front door. Or his Scooby Doo voice when he talks to the dog she walks. But Jake is persistent and too enticing, and when he’s in town again Louana can’t help but admit she wants seconds.
Then he does the unthinkable: he asks her for a relationship. Dating a rising rock star while he’s on tour seems like a terrible idea. As if long distance and groupies (though thankfully she’s not the only girlfriend backstage) aren’t high enough hurdles, her new beau also comes with a wicked lead singer. A man so devoted to tearing the couple apart, he’ll reveal Jake’s dirtiest secret. Left reeling at the revelation, Louana must now decide to forgive her boyfriend’s sins of the past or leave the rock star she loves.
FASTER is a dual POV adult contemporary romance, complete at 74,000 words with series potential.
When I first read your query, I thought I had very little to add. Maybe I still don't. I had a few questions but most don't seem pressing, such as what about Louana, besides sex, takes Jake by storm. "Because the feisty brunette is not thinking about what they did against her front door" just may be enough of a hint about her sense of humor and style.
One question that may be pressing though comes at the end. I'm not familiar with the genre enough to know, but maybe that decision, "decide to forgive.. or leave..." is not enough of a consequence. I feel like something is missing because I can't imagine that alone fills a lot of pages. I wonder what is happening in the present to influence her decision. Otherwise, is she just on the fence...
I hope that helps mting!
Last Edit: May 13, 2017 0:32:41 GMT -5 by downnineupten
Post by darintadream on May 13, 2017 13:27:13 GMT -5
I'm not a agent or editor or anything special, but I find your query a little dull, more telling than showing. Where's the intrigue? Two thoughts: 1) move the, So that yummy drummer should stop sending texts in the middle of the night. to end of the first paragraph as a question (right?) Hook the reader to answer the question. 2) instead of, leave the rock star she loves, try, loose the rock star she loves. More of a consequence, something at stake.
Post by morganalexander on May 14, 2017 2:32:43 GMT -5
Hmm. Well, first thing. In the beginning of the query, you say your heroine "refuses to be another stop on his tour". Yet a fling is exactly what she expects. The story starts from the premise that she's exactly that, another stop. These two bits contradict each other. When Louana Higgins stumbles into a fling with drummer Jake Riley, she doesn't expect much. It's an unplanned and delectable bonus, but he has a rockstar reputation. It can never be more. When he hops.... I feel the first sentence in the next paragraph would work better as a question. So why is the yummy drummer...? Usually, people don't think of themselves as "feisty brunettes". Definitely replace that with her name. Louana really doesn't want to think about... This paragraph may also benefit from a third "or" sentence, another thing she likes about him. The part that is in brackets is unnecessary and clutters the sentence. Avoid brackets if you can. Also maybe leave aside what the lead singer will actually do. You're giving too much away. Come to think of it, is the lead singer even important? He's just the trigger, right? The problem is Jake's secret. As if long distance and groupies aren’t high enough hurdles, her new beau also comes with a wicked lead singer and more dirty secrets than Louana... (needs something snarky and character appropriate here). To be honest, my feeling is that your third paragraph makes your query a little too much like a synopsis. Granted I'm no expert, but as far as I know, queries are more like blurbs, in the sense that they have to stir interest, not give the whole story away. Why should the reader pick up this book if you're telling him exactly what is going on? They have a fling, then he asks her for a relationship, she agrees, then the villain gets in the way with the secret, and presumably at the end she forgives him. Don't give everything away. Make the last paragraphs less tell-y. Leave something for the reader to discover. Hope this helps
Post by lumpyspaceauthor on May 14, 2017 13:28:54 GMT -5
This sounds like a great rock star romance. I would take out "yummy" and "feisty" and try to show us one or two aspects of their personalities in other ways - show us what makes your characters human.
I'm confused because you make it seem like she doesn't want a relationship with him, but in the same sentence you make it look like she does anyway, and like she actually goes on tour with him ("she's not the only girlfriend backstage"). I'd clarify..."seems like a terrible idea, but Louana can't resist..." or whatever (it would actually be better if you could give us a hint WHY she goes along with him. Does it sound like an adventure? Is she more into him than she will admit?
And hint why the lead singer is interfering...don't tell us, but hint that maybe there's a mystery there besides just being a jerk.
Basically what I'm wanting here are more humanizing details to make your book stand out from the others in its genre.
This is really good! I like your funny, charming voice. As a result, my suggestions are pretty minor.
It feels like there's a bit too much information packed into this. I'm not sure I need to know Louana is a dog walker or that there are other girlfriends backstage. In the girlfriends sentence in particular, I got lost in all the info.
I'm not sure I'd use "wicked" to describe the lead singer--feels too fantastical. Instead, a different adjective might also help answer some of the questions the others asked about what his motive is. (For example, "vengeful" tells me he has a grudge against Jake or "rumor-mongering" tells me he's just a gossip, etc.)
I love your opening and ending sentences. They make the stakes clear!
I like the sound of your query. I think you hit Louana's voice well - but I'm missing Jake's bit. Until I read it's a dual POV, I assumed you just have Louana's voice.
What happened to her search for friends? (This isn't to say you should answer this question in your query, it's just a loose end you open up - maybe you'd like to rephrase that somehow?
I'd also skip (though thankfully she’s not the only girlfriend backstage) - it hints at the fact that you have series potential and more stories about band members to explore (right?), but isn't absolutely relevant here.
I hope any of this helps, it's a lot of feedback to take from very different readers. Good luck with the contest!
I'm not an expert at all, but I'd suggest the following:
The hook is cute, but as others say, it argues with the next paragraph. Maybe combine them: ...friends. Banging out a fling with rock star Jake Riley....
I agree with the others on "feisty" and the dog walking. "Wicked" might be better as "evil" or maybe a phrase that hints why he's so intent on tearing them apart. Also, dirty secret says outright his sins are in the past, so I'd ditch the 'in the past' as redundant. Just my thoughts - good luck! AM
Dear Agent,
Jake is a drummer with a rock star reputation—but Louana refuses to be just another stop on his tour.
New-to-town Louana Higgins was searching for friends. Finding a fling with Jake Riley was an unplanned and delectable bonus, but when he hops back on his bus, they’re clearly over. Done. Finito.
So that yummy drummer should stop sending texts in the middle of the night. Because the feisty brunette is not thinking about what they did against her front door. Or his Scooby Doo voice when he talks to the dog she walks. But Jake is persistent and too enticing, and when he’s in town again Louana can’t help but admit she wants seconds.
Then he does the unthinkable: he asks her for a relationship. Dating a rising rock star while he’s on tour seems like a terrible idea. As if long distance and groupies (though thankfully she’s not the only girlfriend backstage) aren’t high enough hurdles, her new beau also comes with a wicked lead singer. A man so devoted to tearing the couple apart, he’ll reveal Jake’s dirtiest secret. Left reeling at the revelation, Louana must now decide to forgive her boyfriend’s sins of the past or leave the rock star she loves.
FASTER is a dual POV adult contemporary romance, complete at 74,000 words with series potential.