SLOW BURN ARMAGEDDON - Adult, Cyberpunk-Fantasy

EDIT: Take 2 on this query.

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Asher broke the hacker’s cardinal rule: When you steal from your employer, don’t get caught. What he wanted was a head full of corporate secrets and a massive payday. What he got is malfunctioning cybernetics and the soul of Dare, a fallen goddess, trapped inside his skull. On the one-to-ten scale of his screw-ups, accidental godnapping’s a thirteen.

Now, hunted across Boston by kill squads seeking to recapture Dare and delete him,

I guess I was sleeping when your first version hit the stands. As I read this version and see this, my first questions are about Dare. Some of the questions probably don't need to be addressed here, such as are there gods and goddesses running about who aren't captured in computer systems. One question though may be important enough for the query: How does Dare connect to the big picture, which I presume is the civil war? Why does she justify kill squads?

swept up in a civil war between government and corporations,

Was this civil war already raging or does Asher's screw-up bring it out into the light of day? If so, that may be worth highlighting.

and with a century-old storm of radioactive magic suddenly poised to slag the eastern seaboard, Asher’s screwed.

To tell the truth, I find "Asher's screwed" to be a weak ending of the sentence. It's a bit of a let down after the "century-old storm..." because it is, I guess, too vague. I feel like there's gotta be some specific new information you could slot in there instead...?

His only hope for survival is the manipulative voice quipping in his ear, but Dare’s more interested in vengeance and freedom than safety. Her magic will keep him alive, but if he doesn’t play by her rules, what the kill squads have planned will be kinder.

Just throwing this out there in case it gives you a useful idea or angle, but I notice Asher seems to have no allies or friends whatsoever. That makes me wonder if Dare becomes a friendlier side-kick of sorts at some point or if there is someone you're not telling us about. I don't think you necessarily have to, but is it bad if it sounds like Asher's friendless and we have to endure pages and pages without any friendly interactions whatsoever?

With Boston on the brink of annihilation and Dare’s magic consuming him like a cheap cigarette, Asher’s options are dwindling fast. If he can’t find a way to cooperate with her long enough to free them both, it’s not just his ass that’s fragged: all of Boston will burn.

SLOW BURN ARMAGEDDON is an adult cyberpunk-fantasy complete at 89,000 words, and was showcased in Pitch Wars 2016. It’s the voice-driven, cyber intrigue of Chuck Wendig’s ZEROES meets the in-over-her-head action and otherworldly politics of Seanan McGuire's OCTOBER DAYE series. Thank you for your time and consideration.


I hope that helps, Ian.