Post by wschneider412 on May 15, 2017 22:39:49 GMT -5
Wow, you really cut the length down a lot. I've never heard of selkie folklore before and your query prompted me to google it to learn more!
The only thing I'm left wondering after reading this, is why do the selkies have half-human children? Do they have forbidden romances with humans or something? Perhaps this is just a part of the folklore that I'm not familiar with, and it's just implied in the plot of the story.
I made some small tweaks, including moving the meta-data to the end. (Thank you, persephanys! That rule totally slipped my mind.)
Not sure what to do about the bolded sentence. I got mixed feedback on having a sentence like it, which makes me think the sentence itself was wrong. So here's a revised sentence.
Thank you again for all your effort and help!
Everyone says her mother died in a car crash, but that doesn’t explain Emily’s childhood memory: watching her mother walk into the sea, never to return. I like this opening line
At sixteen, Emily is an extraordinarily fast varsity swimmer, until one day the chlorine burns like fire and she nearly drowns. Unable to swim again and hearing voices calling her into the ocean, Emily is reminded of her last memory of her mother. She uncovers a bundle of her mother’s old letters, from friends and family she never knew existed, all with the same return address: an island in Nova Scotia. When her father refuses to say anything about her mother, Emily resolves to go to Canada—alone.
But when Emily arrives she finds no welcome among her supposed family; they won't talk to her and want her to leave. Her only help comes from Fiona, a local whose friendship forms the intimacy Emily has always wanted. Fiona wants to help Emily, and reveals the island's secret: You can shorten this a bit "Fiona reveals the island' secret" because you already said help comes from Fiona in the previous sentence. they’re daughters of selkies, a species hiding from the human world. To protect themselves, selkies always leave their half-human children, expecting never to see them again. Emily must fight for her right to her selkie heritage, and to know the truth about whether her mother is really dead, or if she willingly abandoned her. When Emily's pursuit of the truth puts her new family in danger, she must choose between an ordinary human life cut off from Fiona, or a solution that will save the selkies and trap her as a seal forever. Seal as in the animal?
I think this is an interesting story. I love the idea of the selkies. I just added a few suggestions and comments, take or leave whatever you please
Your query is great - I would *totally* read this book.
One minor thing:
I really like the bolded sentence, but it makes the next one a bit goofy. What about: "To protect themselves, selkies always leave their half-human children, expecting never to see them again. Emily must fight for her right to her selkie heritage, and to know the truth about her mother."
If they always leave their half-human children, then she can be pretty sure her mother left her.
Also, I'd start a new paragraph for "When Emily's pursuit of the truth..." just because it's an important plot point and gives the crux of her dilemma.